


The Long Way Home

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-13
Updated: 2011-10-13
Packaged: 2017-10-24 14:11:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/264347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>18 year old Jared Padalecki goes looking for answers about who he is and where he came from. He wasn't expecting to find six brothers and a guy he just can't resist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long Way Home

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the following prompt/summary:Prompt/Summary: _#3 Suddenly Texan:_  
>  Texas is a long way from Oregon, but Amanda Allen isn't planning to make  
> her stay in Brody's Crossing permanent. All she wants is to meet the  
> brothers she only recently discovered she had and head back  
> out—mission accomplished. But what to do about Leo Casale? The  
> tempting Texan is doing his level best to make her feel right at  
> home.  
> Leo is completely captivated by the stranger with  
> secret! written all over her. He wants to help her, but Amanda  
> refuses to confide in him. Does she have to be so stubborn and  
> independent?  
> Things are happening way too fast. Suddenly,  
> Amanda has a whole new family to get to know, including a certain  
> irresistible charmer who's making her believe that she belongs here too!  
> at Livejournal's spn_meanttobe

Prologue

_Jay waits for his Mama to come home every day. He don't play with the stove, and don't open the doors or windows and he don’t turn the TV up loud. He is being a quiet little mouse so no one knows he's there. When she comes home she brings dinner from her work. Then she makes a bath for him and dries his hair with a big fluffy towel. There is only one bed in their 'partment but he don’t care 'cause that means he gets to sleep with Mama even if he is a big boy. Every day she goes to work and Jay looks at his books and plays with blocks and watches the TV real quiet. And every day she goes to work and comes home before dark. Mama promises Jay don’t have to be there alone at night and she never broke her promise._

_Until she did._

_He waits and thinks maybe it is like when she missed the bus and had to walk. It was almost dark when she came **that** day, but she came home, because Mama always comes home. So he waits until it isn't **almost** dark, it was **all the way** dark and Jay is scared. Mama said not to play with the lights because they cost money. So he sits in the dark and waits and when he has to cry because he is scared and hungry and alone Jay puts Stumper over his face so the neighbors won't hear. _

 

*

 

On his eighteenth birthday Jared Padalecki's social worker gave him a manila envelope and a dismissive “Good luck, son” and went on to his next case. Jared wasn't his problem anymore. Jared wasn't anyone's problem anymore. There was no home to go to because there was no government check paying his keep. He could go anywhere he wanted except where he was last night, they had no use for him anymore.

The day he'd turned eighteen he had to find his own place, his old room already waiting for a new kid. He got a day to day room just off downtown. The lock on the door had been kicked in so many times it barely holds.  
He had his high school diploma, a duffel bag full of clothes $550 and that manila envelope. Inside the envelope there were two rings in a zipper-bag and a faded note that said: “These were your Mama's” There was a birth certificate that said he was born in Brandt's Crossing, Texas and his father’s name was Anderson Brandt. Fourteen years after his Mama died Jared found the truth he'd spent his whole life wanting. It was more than he'd ever had before. The only thing he had of his Mama after fourteen years in the system and the only clue he'd ever had about his father.

That night Jared jammed the only chair under the doorknob. It felt weird that no one told him to stop reading and go to sleep.

He guessed this was freedom. It felt the same as being alone.

 

In the morning he walked to the public library and used the computers for free.

Google told him Brandt's Crossing, Texas had 6500 people and an active historical society. There had been ranches there longer than Montana had been a territory. None of that was much help.  
He Googled Anderson Brandt and the bottom dropped out of his stomach. Anderson Brandt was the great-grandson of Angus Brandt who built a huge ranch. The town of Brandt's Crossing was named after the founding family. They still own the original ranch where they raise cattle and horses. He got a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach looking at the pictures on the historical society website. it was weird to think this might be part of where he came from.  
Jared read the rest of what he found and it was all he could do not to cry right there. He figured maybe this was why no one ever tried to find him after his Mama died. Anderson Brandt died in an automobile crash 3 months before Jared was born. When he could blink the tears away, the ones he couldn’t let fall, he saw the rest of the obituary. “Anderson was survived by his wife Marguerite and his sons Justin, Michael, Andy, Daniel, Sean and Mark” There were six of them. Brothers. There were six sons of Anderson Brandt. “Seven now” Jared thinks.

He left the library and went right to the bus station with no idea what he was doing besides the fact there was nothing for him in Montana, he didn't even know where his Mama was buried. In Texas at least there was something to see. There were those brothers.

Jared left what passed for home behind without looking back.

 

He thought about it the whole way there; what he might say if he ever talked to them; what they might say back to him. He wondered if he would meet someone who knew the story of where he came from and who his mother really was. Jared wasn’t going for the answers though, would probably never even ask the questions. He just wanted to see for himself. These men who were sons of Anderson Brandt. ‘Brothers’, the word held such longing for him even though he knew it was an unattainable goal. They would never want him in a million years. But he still needed this even if it was only to know there was a place he could have belonged, a family that might have been his, if things had been different.

There were 3 transfers between Billings Montana and Georgetown Texas, which was as close as Jared could get on Greyhound.

He bought one meal between the two places and refilled his water bottle from taps. He ate a bag of apples he bought on his way to the bus station. If Jared didn't learn anything else in 14 years in the system he learned how to get by on fuck all.

He tried not to think too hard or hope too much. The country he saw distracted him some. It was all new and the farther south they went the newer it got. From the foothills of Montana through Wyoming was mostly just like home. He got to see the Rockies proper in Colorado before night descended and the mountains disappeared. By the time the sun came up again Jared was as deep into the mountains as he ever thought he would be. The sights took his breath away and Jared had a bit of regret that he was only passing through. He thought “When I leave Texas I could come back here” not figuring on finding anything to stay for. By the time they stopped for lunch the mountains were far behind and the land was as flat as any Jared had ever seen. He wondered if it would be like that all the way to Brandt's Crossing.

They cut across the very western portion of Oklahoma and Jared thought about tornadoes on the news, before they dipped down and then for the first time since he was a baby Jared Padalecki was back in the state where he was born. He didn't see much of it, by the time they got to Lubbock it was dark.

He dozed all night, head bumping against the window, catching what glimpses he could. The two hours he spent in the Dallas terminal waiting for his transfer was nothing much. One more place he was just passing through. He stood at the big windows and watched the sunrise though, and that wasn't too bad. He wondered what it would look when he got out of the city the country was so flat he figured you could see the sun coming forever.

He finished the last apple in the bag just as the they called his bus. He thought about how much money he had and decided he could maybe find a diner once he got to the place he was born. Thinking about it like that made his stomach do weird things. 3 days ago he didn't even know the name of the place much less where it was. Now he was almost there. He couldn't think about what he would (or wouldn’t) find there. That part of it all was too big. He was never going to find the one thing he really wanted because his Mama was long gone.

At least he would know where he came from. Maybe someone there would remember her. Maybe they could tell him something about her, nothing big, maybe just the color of her hair.

The three hours to Georgetown was uneventful and when Jared got off the bus it was not even 11 in the morning. It was as close as he could get on the bus but Brandt's Crossing was still fifty miles away. He sat down and tightened the laces on his boots. He was used to walking and fifty miles was a walk but not the end of the world. He bought the biggest bottle of water he could find, refilled the one he had at a gas station and headed out.

The country was green and beautiful and wide despite the rolling hills. It would have been just like Montana if it hadn't been so damn hot. There wasn't a lot of traffic but that was okay because Jared wasn't expecting a ride, he knew how he must look, tall and scruffy and out of place. Turned out fifty miles was a lot longer than he thought in the thin dry heat that bounced off the pavement under his feet.

By the time the sun had crested and headed toward the setting horizon Jared's feet hurt, he was hot, tired, out of water and dripping sweat. There was no town in sight and 30 cars had passed him. He wasn't even bothering to look up when he heard one coming at this point, just concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. Not much else he could do.

Jared could feel the sweat pooling in the small of his back and damp across his shoulders. He wished for sunglasses or a ball-cap to keep the sun out of his eyes as he headed west and tried not to wonder why he was even doing this. Instead Jared looked down at his feet and kept walking.

It was a surprise when a vehicle finally slowed down beside him. It was a slightly battered pick-up truck, dusty from the road, box full of buckets and boxes and unidentifiable crap.

“Hey, y'all need a ride?” a warm voice asked him.

Jared looked up into the palest green eyes he'd ever seen. As if green eyes were even common, even if they were there was nothing common about this guy’s face, or his wide smile, or the crinkles at the corner that somehow softened the good looks. Jared realized he was staring and not answering.

“Uh- yeah. That’d be great” Jared answered and tried not to stare.

“Well hop in then!” the guy said and smiled again. Jared looked away quick, that smile made him kind of breathless, and he was not up for being that obvious. He got to the passenger door just as the driver leaned over and opened it for him “Door kind of sticks a little sometimes” he said laughing and leaning back over behind the wheel. Jared wondered if a laugh and a smile were this guy's default setting.

“I’m Jensen” the guy said offering a hand to shake, waiting.

“Jared” he said getting a firm shake in return. The guy- Jensen's- hand was warm and rough with calluses. He wondered briefly what a guy this good looking did to get hands that rough.

“Where you headed?” Jensen asked him as they pull out onto the road.

The sudden speed made Jared a little dizzy after all the hours he'd spent walking. Just sitting made him feel like he was floating “Brandt’s Crossing” he answered distantly. He gripped the door handle and his own thigh to keep himself anchored in the face of sudden light-headedness.

”You're in luck. I'm headed right there” A bottle of water floated into his field of vision.

Jared looked up and saw Jensen watching him with an encouraging smile “Go ahead. Drink it before you pass out.,” Jared did as he was told, mostly emptying the bottle in a couple of long pulls. He could feel the water seep into his body and the flush of relief it brought had him wishing for more. Another bottle, this one half gone, appeared in front of him while Jared was fumbling the cap back on the empty. “Finish that to if you need it” Jensen grinned at him. “I ain't got nothing contagious” Jared drinks that one, too.

 

It was only a couple of minutes and they were in the middle of a small town. The sign said Brandt's Crossing and Jared was hit with a feeling of cell-deep longing and overwhelming nervousness. The water threatens to re-appear and Jared swallows hard to keep it. Aside from how much he hates puking he's pretty sure throwing up in the guy’s truck won't earn him Jensen's goodwill.

”So where could I drop you?” Jensen wanted to know and Jared realized he wouldn't really have an answer.

“Is there a diner?” he tried. It was a good bet, where he'd come from most small towns had one.

“Yup, just up there. I could drop you right there if you like, going right by it”

Jared nods happy to miss out on walking more in the heat.

“Thanks for the ride” Jared said as Jensen pulls up in front of a plate glass window with “Anna’s” painted across it.

“Any time” Jensen told him with a grin. “Next time make sure you got more water though. You looked ready to fall over” he laughed again but not unkindly.

“I will” Jared grinned back and hops out.

“I'll see you around?” Jensen half asked

“Thanks for the ride” was all Jared said. He wouldn't know if he'd be here long or if he'd ever see the guy again, so thanks was all he had.  
Jensen tipped him a nod before pulling away.

The burgers at “Anna's” were fantastic. Huge and solid and mostly meat just the way Jared liked them. The fries were crisp and fresh cut and plentiful. The coffee was strong. Jared was thinking about the pie when the waitress came by with the coffee pot again.

“So” she started. Her name-tag said Meg “You new in town?” she asked, the flirt in her voice obvious. It kind of made Jared cringe a little. She's pretty enough but really _really_ not his type.

“Nope” he said moving his cup over where she could reach. “Just stopping to have a look.” It was mostly the truth, just not _all_ the truth. And the other part ... well what the hell was he supposed to say. 'I am here looking for my long lost family'? Not likely. They weren't really his family where they? Sharing a parent didn't mean anything.

“That's too bad” the girl said breaking into his thoughts. “We need some new folks around this damn place. Liven it up a bit”

“Maybe you could tell me... do you have a library around here?”

 

He paid his bill, left a good tip and stepped out into the heat of the late afternoon. It almost knocked him on his ass. Damn it was hot in Texas! Montana had a good healthy summer but it was nothing next to this. The heat was like a wall and for a moment or two it was work to pull in a breath. He set off in the direction Meg had pointed him.  
He had no fucking clue what he was doing now that he was here, he needed more information before he decided. Mostly he just wanted to _see_. Jared figured if he could maybe just get a look at them brothers, the sons of Anderson Brandt, it might be enough. He ignored the voice in the back of his mind that said _”Liar.”_

He was maybe a block from the diner with a good 7 blocks to go in the killer heat when Jared heard a vehicle slow beside him and a familiar voice call out “Hey! Jared! You need another ride?” Jared looked over and there was his green-eyed savior from the highway grinning at him and waiting for an answer.

“Oh hey, Jensen right?” he asked dodging an answer.

“Yeah that's tight” He grinned “So need another ride? Walking in this heat will kill ya man”

Jared thought about and it didn't take him long to agree with the guy. He was already tired and soaked through again. He really needed a shower. Library first though, before it closed.

“Sure” he said and reached for the door handle.

“So where you headed now?” Jensen asked dropping the truck in to gear.

“The library” Jared said not thinking until he said it how weird that might sound.

“Library?! What the hell you gonna do there?”

“Uh” might not have been the wittiest answer but for a second it was all he had “I uh like history? And uh- I thought I would look into the local history” He hoped it didn't sound too stupid, or too weird.

Jensen laughed good-naturedly “Nothing special here” Jensen assured him “The same as every other small Texas town you've ever been in.”

Jared felt like there was another question there, one he wasn't sure how to answer “Never been in a small Texas town before. Lot's to learn” he cringed, that made him sound kind of stupid. It was the best he could do without giving anything away. No one needed to know why he was here.

“Where you from?” Jensen asked

'Nowhere' wouldn't sound right. Jared said “Montana” instead.

“Long way from home.” Jensen noted.

Jared knew the question was implicit but he was saved from responding when they pulled up in front of the town's library.

“Thanks for the ride” Jared said reaching for the door.

“No problem” Jensen answered smiling. “So listen. Are you going to be in town for a while? If you where I was thinking maybe we could grab a burger or something. I could show you the sights in Brandt's crossing... all three of them” He said with a grin.

He thought about it hardly at all. Maybe he should have a little but what was the harm? He was going to be here for a few days at most. It would be alright to have someone to at least share a meal with, some conversation at least. So what if he was attracted to this guy?

“That might be good” Jared told him, and was rewarded with another huge grin.

“Where you staying?” Jensen asked, Jared figured maybe Jensen just wanted to talk to him a little longer.

“Hadn't got to that yet. Just got in to town, remember?”

Jensen flushed and laughed a little “Right” he said.

“Any suggestions?” Jared asked gathering up his pack and duffel.

“Well there's the Motel 6 out on the highway.” Jensen told him with a hint of distaste. It wouldn't be Jared’s first choice either.

“Anything in town?”  
“There's the Panhandle. It’s next to a bar so the rooms are cheap. Kinda noisy prob'ly. ”

“Maybe I'll try that” Jared said and opened the truck door. Cheap was what he'd looking for and he ain’t really offended that Jensen would notice.

“Thanks for the ride” he said and looked right at Jensen.

“Here” Jensen said holding out a piece of paper. “My number” he said to Jared’s puzzled look. “If you decide to take me up on the offer.” He grinned and dropped the truck into gear as Jared stepped back.

Jared watched him go, thinking on what he was feeling. Well that part ain’t real hard to figure out. Jensen was probably the hottest guy Jared had ever to talked to.

Jared was kind of impressed with his own ability to form coherent sentences around the guy. It was not exactly news to Jared that he liked guys, it never really occurred to Jared to be interested in girls. He had always just known guys were it for him. It wasn’t a fact he shared much given how he'd grown up but Jared also never felt the need to hide it. Wasn’t a secret and wasn’t anyone's business unless he was interested in them. Jensen was a pretty interesting guy.

It wasn’t like it could really go anywhere in the few days he was likely to be here. But dinner and some conversation wouldn’t hurt. Maybe he'd even get lucky.

 

He didn’t learn a whole lot at the library. There were some outdated copies of the local weekly paper that he'd looked through. The family was mentioned here and there. There was an obituary for Margarite Brandt ten years after her husband and all that did for Jared was make wonder. Other than that it was the same stuff you see in any other small town newspaper.

The library had copies of the high-school's yearbooks though, going back to the 60s and that had been marginally more enlightening. There where twelve years between the youngest and the oldest of the brothers and there really were six of them. Jared learned the oldest was Justin; he was fourteen years older than Jared. The youngest was Mark only two years older than Jared. He felt a pang of absolute loneliness at the thought of them being here, growing up together; some of them so close to him in age. He shoved the thought away as hard as he could. He didn’t want to spend time dwelling on the vacuum he'd grown up in.

He spent a good long while staring at their pictures, one after another, not even bothering to lie to himself about that. He was memorizing as much as he could in case this was as close as he was going to get.

He left the library before long. The sum total really of what he had learned still didn't really change anything.

He got a room at the Panhandle and it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Yeah there was a bar right there. But the rooms were cheap and best of all clean. There was also a place to eat next door and he was fine with that. The food was pretty standard, plentiful and cheap. He ordered a burger with fries and was happy as hell to see his plate piled high when it arrived. For the second time today Jared ate till he was full, a good change from the days on the bus when he'd been trying to save his money. He supposed he still should be and mostly he was but it felt good to eat his fill tonight. He gave in and ordered pie. With ice cream

After the longest shower he could ever remember taking Jared stretched out on the queen bed and reveled in all the room, flicking through the basic cable. He didn’t find anything to watch before he fell asleep, just left it on and let the sound fool his brain into forgetting how alone he was.

The next day dawned bright and clear. Just like always Jared was up with sun. He had always been an early riser no matter where he found himself. There was a certain kind of peace you could only find in the early morning and Jared loved that time of day.

It reminded him most often now of the months he had spent on the Kendall's horse ranch when he was 15. It was pretty much the best 10 months of his life. The Kendall's were good people and they had seemed to genuinely like him. They expected him to pull his weight but it was never too hard. Jared loved working with the horses and Mr. Kendall had been impressed with how good Jared was with them. Even after he'd had to leave Jared had remembered how it felt being with the horses, how it had felt like something inside him falling into place when he brushed them or rode them or fed them. He'd loved the smell of the barns and the hay and hadn’t minded at all even mucking out stalls. He'd wished he could have stayed, even though he knew he'd never get to. He never stayed anywhere.

 

Jared had breakfast at Panhandle's Diner then went back to the room to pack up his kit. He had no clue what to do next. He couldn’t really figure out what he wanted besides just seeing them for himself, just once, but he couldn’t figure out how to do that. He couldn't just walk out to their ranch and say” Hey! Mind if I snoop around for a bit?” The only thing he could think of was to take another look at the town before it got too hot.

The town was easy to cover. It wasn't that big. By the time it was just starting to get hot again he had pretty much walked it all and hadn’t run into anyone who looked even remotely like the people in the yearbooks he'd seen yesterday. Not that that was a big surprise, he hadn’t really expected to just bump into one of them. Not _really_. Didn’t mean a small part of him hadn’t been hoping for just that, no matter how unlikely it might be.

He was sitting on a bench outside the library trying to decide whether to just get back on the bus or get a room for another night. Then a familiar truck rolled to a stop in front of him. The window rolled down and startling green eyes smiled out at him. “Hey Jared!”

Jared couldn’t help but smile back “Hey”

“You’re still here!” Jensen said not sounding all that surprised

“Looks like” Jared answered grinning back.

“Well me and Sean were just gonna go grab a burger.” Jensen said flapping his hand at a passenger Jared had just noticed “You ate yet?”

“Nope”

“Well hop in then! We'll go to the drive in, get the best burger in town and save you walking”

Jared thought about it a minute and couldn’t come up with a single reason not spend a little more time with this good natured guy that was stupidly easy on the eyes. He grabbed his crap, threw it in the truck box, and pulled open the passenger door.

Jensen dropped in gear then said “This my best bud Sean. Known him since we were little. Sean this is Jared...-” he looked a question at Jared

“Padalecki.” Jared smiled and offered his hand.

“Sean Brandt” the blond guy said taking Jared's hand looking him over with a smile

Jared felt himself freeze. Brandt?

“Hey” Jared said quietly trying to sound as normal as he could while he sat there shaking the hand of a guy who didn’t know him from Adam, a guy who could have been his older brother in another life. Jared hoped he didn’t look as freaked out as he felt.

He concentrated for a second until he could breathe without thinking about it.

“You're not from here.” Sean Brandt said. It wasn’t a question.

“Nope” Jared made his voice even and neutral. He couldn’t figure out if he wanted to run away, spill the whole story or what. He figured his best bet was to just play it cool.

“You sticking around or passing through?” Sean asked

Jared was surprised when he heard himself answer “Haven’t decided yet”

“You looking for work?” Sean asked him as they pulled into the parking lot of a ratty looking take-out place.

“Pretty much always” Jared answered since it was the truth and he didn’t want no one thinking he was some kind of bum. He'd been working since he was fourteen.

The take-out place was a squat building with an order window tacked onto the front of a kitchen and a half dozen picnic tables out front, some in the sun some in the shade. It looked ratty as hell but the smells coming outta that kitchen were already driving his stomach crazy. It only took ten minutes to order and get their food. Jared took his huge burger, a big paper cone of fries and 2 cokes and sat down with Jensen and Sean.

They talked while they ate and it was easy and comfortable. Jared always had the knack of making friends, he thought partly because he'd been moved around so much. Learn how to make friends fast or have none. He had them laughing along with him in no time. It felt good having someone to hang out with, for a while.

He'd cracked his second coke and was nibbling at this last few fries when Sean asked “So you ever do ranch work, Jared?”

“Yeah, some. Horses mostly. Haying and fencing” Jared said. His stomach quivered a little wondering, not hoping.

“Well” Sean said pushing his wrapper away and reaching for his own drink “My family runs a ranch. A guy walked off yesterday so we're down a man. If you wanted I bet my brother would give you a shot. He does the hiring. I could put a word in for you”

“You don't even know me” Jared said trying desperately to hang on to his neutral tone of voice.

“Pretty good judge of character though. Even Justin, my big brother, thinks so. You seem like a good guy.”

He tried not to hear the voice in the back of his head, even as he said “Sure. I could use the work”

Sean grinned and clapped him on the back. Jared didn’t miss the big grin on Jensen's face either.

It was a half hour ride to the ranch and Jared was glad he hadn't really considered just walking out here to look. He never would have found it and the heat would have killed him. His first glimpse of the ranch as they crested a low hill was kind of stunning. The low sprawling ranch house was so perfect it looked like it belonged on a movie set. Old and solid and surrounded by fields and paddocks with a creek nearby,, several outbuilding probably as old and solid as the house all surrounded by trees. It was a far cry from the thirty year old trailer the Kendall's lived in. It was exactly what you would expect to see on a hundred year old family ranch.

Justin Brandt was as tall as Jared and broad across the shoulders, with a shock of unruly brown hair and a big friendly grin. He shook Jared's hand, asked enough questions to decide that Jared had a clue about working around horses. He smiled when he shook Jared's hand again, told him there was room in the bunkhouse and that dinner was at six. Within a couple of hours he was sitting down at the table with them all, the brothers he had come here to see. It was the most surreal meal he'd ever had. Trying to take it all in, memorize their faces without staring. And on top of that was Jensen who sat down beside him at the table like right beside Jared was his spot.

 

The first night, sleeping in the bunk house Jared thought more than he slept. He tried to make sense of his own expectations; he couldn't really deny he had a few. He wanted so badly to meet them all, to see the life he might have had. But he also had questions. Mostly, what had happened? He'd spent a good portion of the days since he'd learned about Anderson Brandt thinking on that and hoping to find out how he had come to be. He wondered, too, if his Mama would have told him about his father and his other sons.

Now that he'd seen their family and how they were together he spent a good part of the night talking himself out of wanting it. He had no claim to these people and he was sure that if they ever found out about him his welcome would dry up fast.

That was also part of the reason things between him and Jensen could never get serious. Jensen was obviously a part of this family in a lot of ways. Jared had only spent a couple of hours in Jensen's company but there was already a healthy attraction there. It would be too awkward working together if it went past friendly because, yes indeed, Jensen was working on the ranch for the summer. However long Jared was going to be working here he wasn’t staying, but he already liked Jensen and Jared knew himself. If he started something with the guy it would suck too much when it was time for him to leave.

He vowed to only stay long enough to satisfy his curiosity, and then go before he had a chance to get attached.

Daniel the middle brother was away on a trip. He would be back in 3 weeks. So Jared gave himself until Daniel Brandt came back to learn whatever he could. He came to see the brothers, maybe even meet them. In three weeks he would be able to see them all, he'd have earned enough money to go somewhere else. He could be careful and smart about it. Treat it like another 'home', keep from getting attached.

He went to sleep telling himself it would be okay. Even though the little voice in the back of his head was calling bull-shit. He knew he was being dishonest and what Jared was doing would not look good from any angle, he really shouldn’t even be here. He just couldn't walk away from his only chance to know them.

 

 

It didn't take long to fall into a routine. Mornings started early just like on any other ranch. Get up and see to the horses in the barn, check that watering system in the paddocks. In the middle of summer no one needed to be hayed so it was in for breakfast before setting out to do the harder chores. It was haying season so there was plenty to do.

There were acres of land covered in ripe hay and although rain wasn't too likely there was only so much time to get the second crop in. If they leave it late the hay was over ripe and started to lose nutrients that were vital in the winter. As much as they seemed to love having the horses the hay crop was the life blood of this ranch. The hay financed everything and the entire economy of the place was tied up in the hay.

It didn't take long to see how well the brothers worked together. Each of them had some aspect of the ranch that was theirs to manage and they did it well. As general labor Jared got shuffled around going where he was needed. It gave him the chance to spend a little time with each brother. It was actually kind of perfect.

He worked on the equipment with Michael “ Dude call me Mike!” sometimes driving baler sometimes beating the shit out of his hands twisting wrenches when something needed fixing. They didn’t talk much when they were working but when they stopped for lunch, sitting on the tailgate of the truck out in the middle of a fresh mowed field, Mike told stories and asked questions that Jared tried hard to answer without either lying or giving himself away. A couple of times Mike got a speculative look on his face that made Jared feel like he could see right through him. It wasn't the first time the voice in the back of his head started yelling about what a big mistake he was making and the hell there would be to pay if he was ever found out.

Jared spent an entire day listening to Andy's endless stream of off color jokes while they moved the irrigation in the far fields so the hay could come in a couple days later. His hands had a whole new set of blisters on them and his shoulders hurt from lifting pipe and he didn’t mind one damned bit. They came in for dinner soaked to the bone, grinning and laughing after fixing a leak in the hot Texas sun. He didn't miss the look on Jensen face when he came into the bunkhouse just as Jared was pulling off his wet shirt to get cleaned up for dinner.

When Justin found out he knew his way around a computer Jared spent an entire afternoon setting up the new wireless system that Justin had bought in a fit of madness. It had been driving him crazy for over a week. When Jared had it set-up with a password and running in just a couple of hours Justin clapped him on the shoulder and laughingly said “I think we might have to keep you around, son”. Jared felt his gut clench and could only hope his answering smile didn’t look too guilty.

When Mike asked him to take one of the trucks into town and pick up parts for one of the tractors Jared had to admit he'd never driven anything besides a tractor Mark just grabbed a set of keys and said " Time you did then" and dragged him off for an impromptu driving lesson. He never once made Jared feel like any kind of a freak or loser because of it. He just changed the stereo from the country station to rock and spent 2 hours showing him how it was done. "You got it licked already Jare! Bet you pass the test on your first try!" He sounded so happy about it Jared didn't have the heart to tell him any different. Even though Jared knew he wouldn't be doing it. He didn't need a license if he didn’t have a car and no way to take the test without one.

He spent a good part of everyday hauling bales with Sean, Jensen and the youngest brother Mark. It was hard sweaty work. The round bales were easy enough they got loaded with a tractor and although you were out in the sun and it was still hot that was nothing compared to moving thousands of square bales. Bale handlers did most of work out in the field and it was just a matter of driving the tractor but every square bale on the place went into a hay barn to protect it from the weather. Most of their income came from horse hay and it had to be kept dry to prevent mold and out of the sun to preserve nutrients. The bales all got brought in and stacked in the hay barns waiting on the horse ranchers that would come to them in the fall and winter for their feed. Lifting bales was hard work and Jared felt muscles he didn’t even know he had screaming for mercy.

 

The best part of any given day though was the mornings. Because of the horses, and Jensen. Jared loved horses and when he got set with the job of helping with them he couldn’t contain his big dumb grin. The best times he could remember were the months he'd lived on the horse farm in Montana. Whatever life he made himself there were going to be horses in it somehow. It was just an added bonus that in Daniel's absence it was Jensen’s job as well. Jared knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help looking forward to those early mornings, just Jensen and him, seeing the mares and the babies, checking to make sure the waterer was working and rotating the horses in pasture. The walk back to the house was always spent talking about horses in general or one horse or another but it always came down to a shared love for the animals. Watching Jensen talk about them Jared couldn't help thinking how perfect the guy was. He tried really hard not to think “perfect for me”.

They had the first Sunday off and somehow Jared found himself on the back of a beautiful bay gelding following Jensen and Sean's lead as they showed him the property. They ate sandwiches and drank beer in the shade of live oaks, miles from the house. The ride back Jared spent mostly in silence enjoying being on the back of a horse again while he listened to the two friends tease the shit out of each other.

Meal times were both the best and the worst part of his day. Jared saw the way it was with the Brandt boys most clearly when they all sat down at the long table together. The way Mike and Andy teased Justin and Sean and even Jensen about being 'college boys' even though they had both spent a fair bit of time in school themselves. Justin's degree in business management and the younger guys pursuit of degrees got them plenty of good-natured ribbing, it was clearly a long standing game. They talked about the day's work and the room filled with laughter and although Jared reminded himself he didn’t feel really have a place there it didn't feel that way sitting at that table, sharing their laughter because they all made sure to include him.

Plenty of nights he would sit somewhere quiet and watch the night come down over the land. It was beautiful and wild here in a way that was completely different from where he'd grown up, but he had to admit Texas had its own kind of beauty. Sometimes Jensen would come and sit with him not saying anything just being there watching night steal away the light. That was another kind of beauty sitting there with this incredible man, sometimes sitting so close their thighs touched. Not doing anything about the feelings that passed between them. It was a kind of peaceful Jared had never felt before.

The second Sunday they had off they were going riding again. Sean laughed and told them to have fun he was going into town to find Miss Meg from the diner. He didn't go into detail about what he planned to do with her when he found her. Jensen laughed and called him a horn dog, before turning to Jared and smiling “Looks like we get to split his share of the lunch!” and went back to saddling his horse. Jared's fingers tripped over themselves tightening the cinch at the thought of having Jensen all to himself.

They took their time riding at a gentle pace out of respect for tired muscles. They talked some, completely comfortable with each other after working together and sharing meals for two weeks. Just as the sun was getting high Jensen stopped at a place on the river overlooked by a huge boulder that was covered in years of what turned out to be Brandt family graffiti. It was clear across from the other side of the ranch from where they had gone the previous weekend.

They were sitting on the shady river bank drinking a beer after lunch when Jensen pointed across the way and said with a smile “When we were teenagers we came out here all the time during haying season. I drank my first beer right over there.” Jensen told him pointing to a place on the river bank. He paused for a second and said “First kiss right over there” he said with a big grin and leaned across the remains of their lunch to kiss Jared right on the mouth. Soft and slow with just the right amount of pressure. Jared didn’t even have time turn his brain on and kiss him back before Jensen was leaning back where he was and taking another swig of his beer, grinning as big and happy as you please. Jared couldn’t figure out what the hell he was supposed to do about it so he just took a drink of his beer. Jensen went back to watching the river.

The ride back was outwardly quiet but there wasn’t anything quiet about the inside of Jared's head. There was an awful lot of back-ground noise about how long he had wanted that very thing, how much he wanted to do that again, and what a really terrible idea that would be. As perceptive as he seemed to be Jensen probably knew full well that he had created some turmoil. Jensen just road along and left him to think about it.

And think about it Jared did, pretty much constantly, and at unfortunately inappropriate times like when they were sitting at the dinner table with Jensen’s leg pressed up against his, or when they were jacking bales in the loft hot and sweaty and hours of work ahead of them.

The thing was, Jensen was pretty much everything he had ever wanted in a guy, sweet and warm and kind and hardworking and funny. And Jared had fucked it up before it ever started by being here under false pretenses. He didn’t initiate anything but he also didn’t actively avoid Jensen even though it would have stopped things cold if he had. It would have also hurt Jensen’s feelings, and Jared wanted what little he could have with the guy. He knew it might be messed up thinking but he couldn’t help himself.  
They continued to work well together laughing and joking and maybe flirting a little but it never went further. Jared thought Jensen was waiting for him to make the next move. Jared didn’t know what to do, or how to fix what he has screwed up... so he did nothing.

 

“How are you settling in here Jay?” Hearing Justin use the nickname startled him into a grin. It took a second for his brain to filter the question through how much he liked it.

“Doin' alright” Jared said grabbing another bale with the hooks.

Justin had gloves on and a set of bale hooks himself and he set to work beside Jared like it was no big thing for the ranch manager to pitch in and work as hard as his crew. Around here that was the truth. They worked in companionable silence for a while. When Jared broke for a drink of water Justin slowed too and leaned against the wall watching him with a grin.

“You know there is a place here for you, if you want it. We'd be happy to have you, son” Justin said.

It was the last thing Jared ever expected to hear. He could feel the shock of the words settle in to him and for a brief moment he felt a flash of hope so bright and sharp it made his heart hurt. Especially when he realized there was no way. If Justin knew the truth about him and the lie of why he was here there was no way that would still be true.

Jared felt the grin on his face tighten and kept his voice neutral “ I'll give it some thought.” Another lie. there was nothing to think about. Jared went back to work and after a moment’s hesitation so did Justin.

 

  
That night at dinner the brothers were especially loud and boisterous. Everyone was talking at once when Jared came in and took his place at the table.

“What's going on?” Jared asked Jensen as he reached for the potatoes.

“Dan called today! He's on his way home. Just in time to finish up the haying” Jensen said grinning, obviously glad his friend would be there soon.

Jared felt his stomach flash cold. So it was almost time. The last brother would be here and then he could go.

Jared sat staring at his plate and willed his gut to settle. The thought of leaving this place, these people and most of all Jensen made him feel sick. He had tried and failed miserably to stay unattached. They had all made him feel so welcome so much a part of things it just seemed natural and comfortable to go with it. It was a stupid thing to do. He was leaving in a couple of days and it already felt like his heart was getting ripped out.  
Jared sat at the table as long as he could but it just got worse and worse until he had to leave or be sick.

“Not feeling good” he said mostly to Jensen “Gonna turn in early” and quickly left the warmth and comfort of the table. He made it out of the circle of light around the back porch into the darkness before he lost what little there was in his stomach. At least he had the presence of mind to puke in the scrub and not out in the open.

He didn't hear the footsteps following him until they were right there. “Jared! What's wrong man” and _god damn_ of course it would be Jensen who followed him out here. Jensen put a hand carefully on his back “Let me help you” he said gently all the care and concern he had for Jared right there in his voice and his too kind eyes. It was so obvious how Jensen felt about him even after only a few weeks. He genuinely liked and cared about Jared. It was completely mutual. The idea thrilled Jared and cut him deep. Right there in the warm hand rubbing gently between his shoulder blades and in those kind eyes was everything Jared could have ever wanted and Jared had wrecked it before it ever got started because he was afraid to tell them who he was.

Jared pulled himself upright and stepped away. “I'm alright now” Jared said not meeting Jensen's eyes. Looking away not wanting to see what he was about to walk away from. “Over did it today maybe.”

“You need a hand?” Jensen asked tipping his head toward there bunkhouse.

“Nah” Jared answered “Go finish your dinner. I'm gonna just go lay down” he turned and walked off before Jensen could say anything else.

He felt like all kinds of an asshole because he knew he was going to hurt Jensen when he left. Nothing he could do about it now.

Jared eventually slept. He dreamed about the apartment, from when he lived with his mama. He saw the TV and the color of the walls and he could see his stuffed bear clearly but he could not see his mama's face even when her dream-self was right in front of him. He woke up, just as the sky was just starting to lighten, his face salty and damp. He lay there quiet and still until the rest of the crew began to stir around him.

It turned out he only had a few hours left.

Daniel called to say he would be in Dallas that afternoon and needed a ride from the airport. Sean and Jensen volunteered to do it.

“You wanna come with us?” Sean asked Jared grinning and hopeful.

Jared would have given damn near anything for 'you bet!' to be the right answer. But it wasn't, couldn't be. He would be gone in a couple of days and it was long past time for him to start stepping back.

Jared shook his head “Not really feeling up to a drive” he said. Another lie.

“Still feeling punk?” Sean asked with genuine concern.

Jared gave a nod words failing him again. It would have been easier if they weren't all so damned decent.

“That's too bad” Sean told him clapping a hand lightly on his shoulder. “Oh well you could meet Daniel when we get back then! You're gonna love him, he's a great guy!” he headed off to find the keys to whatever they were driving.

Jensen stayed back and asked “Jared are you okay? Do you need to see a doctor? Don't take this the wrong way man but you look like hell. Did you even sleep last night?”

“I slept” Jared choked out “I'll live”

“I hope so” Jensen laughed trying to lighten the mood. “You’re really okay?”

The concern in his voice was almost Jared's undoing. For a moment he just wanted to spill everything, tell Jensen the whole story and beg him not to be so angry at Jared that it ruined everything. Instead he gave Jensen a muttered “Yeah I'm fine” and didn't look right at him.

“Jensen, come on! Dan will be pissed if we leave him waiting there!” Sean called from the truck.

“Feel better Jay. I'll see you in a few” Jensen said giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze before going to catch up with Sean.

Jared watched them until they were almost out of sight.

 

He spent most of the day with the horses because Justin wouldn't tolerate him out haying in the heat after his bout of 'sickness' yesterday.

“Stick around the barns today. There was plenty to do in the tack room alone, and I know for a fact that you like the horses better than you do tractors” he said with that big grin of his “Cut yourself some slack kid. One day ain't gonna break us either way. More important you're feeling better”

So Jared passed the whole day surrounded by the smell of saddle soap and Neatsfoot oil and horses. It was almost enough to make him forget what a damned mess he had made of everything.

Almost but not quite, not really. Jared realized now, the kind of people they were, Jensen _and_ Truth be told it was too late the minute he met Sean almost a month ago.

A month. It felt like more than that somehow. It _was_ more than just the passage of a few days. These where his best days , the ones he'd spent here. He'd worked hard and gone to bed tired most nights but it was good. It was honest work for honest people and truth be told it was the best month Jared could remember. It had solidified a lot of things in his mind including the realization that this was the sort of life he wanted. The horses, the land, the work.

It was a gift really, his time here. When he left it would not be just a life left behind, he would be working toward one wanted. There had to be a way to make this kind of life for himself. Maybe not in Texas that would be too much to ask maybe but somewhere. He could start over, again. He'd done it so many times already he was practically an expert.

 

  
The truck pulled into the yard when the sun was still up but low in the sky. Jared was in the horse barn oiling a bridle sitting in the shadow of a doorway where he could see the yard. He watched as Sean and Jensen hopped out of the truck followed by a brown haired guy who had to be just about their age. They were laughing and shoving each other clearly happy to be all together again. A shout from the house drew everyone's attention including Jared's.

“Daniel!” Justin yelled and leaped down off the porch and grabbed his little brother in a huge bear hug. It didn't take long and they were surrounded by all the brothers, each hugging or clapping Dan Brandt in turn. Jared knew he was witnessing something damned special. He felt it cut through his chest and thank god he wasn't so fucked up that it was jealousy he felt, rather a deep longing. He watched for a few moments more then turned away from the 'if-only' and went to put the clean bridle back on its peg.

He looked out the window in the tack room that faced the yard taking one last look then headed out the back of the barn toward the bunk house. He'd got what he came here for. Time to go.

 

Jared didn't really have much, so it wouldn't take long to pack his duffel. It would probably be easier if his eyes weren't full of tears. “Stop being a damn baby” he muttered to himself, brushing angrily at his eyes. He didn't have time for this, he wanted to get out ( _Sneak away_ the traitor voice in his head whispered) so he could get on the road before dark.

He swallowed tightly as he closed the zipper on his pack and reached for his jacket.

“You're leaving.” a voice said from the doorway behind him. The only person he wanted to see and the last person he wanted to run into right now. Jensen. “Were you going to say goodbye?” he asked no accusation really but Jared could hear the hurt in his voice. Jared kept his gaze down so he wouldn't have to see that in Jensen's eyes.

He shook his head, no and shouldered his pack.

“Why Jared?” Jensen asked moving closer keeping his voice soft like he was talking to a spooked animal.

“Why what?” Jared asked voice cracking.

“Why are you leaving?” Jensen was close now, standing in front of him. Jared could see his dusty boots and the scruffy hem of his jeans and he wanted so badly to see his face, look into Jensen's eyes one more time before he left. He couldn't look though because if he did he'd do something stupid and wreck what little of this he had left. Start to cry, spill it all, kiss him, beg to stay. None of it would do any good, only make everything messy.

“Time to go.” Jared said instead and grabbed his duffel looking past Jensen to the door.

Jensen moved closer and reached for Jared. Instead of stepping away Jared let him and that was his mistake.

“Why not say goodbye?” Jensen asked his voice so close right by Jared's ear. If Jared turned his face a little to the left, just a fraction, a couple of degrees, he would feel Jensen's lips. He stayed very still and squeezed his eyes shut, keeping tears in and everything he wanted out.

“Easier this way” Jared whispered and moved to step away. Jensen didn't try to stop him but he didn't let go either. If Jared wanted to leave he would have to pull his arm away.

“Hey did you find him!” Sean shouted from the door not really looking until he saw the two of them standing there, Jared wearing his pack and holding his bag. Jared was looking right at his friend ( _brother!_ that traitor voice shouted in his head) when Sean figured it out, hurt flashing across his face. He didn't say a word, just spun on his heel and went right back out the way he came.

So much for not making a mess.

“Jared wait” Jensen said and stepped in front of Jared trying to block his way “You don't have to do this.” he reached up touching Jared's face. Jared looked then, he had to see whatever was in Jensen’s eyes even if it was condemnation. Jensen had to see what was in his.

“Yes I do. This is not my home. I have to go before it gets too hard.” he wished he could keep his voice from cracking but that's just how it felt, as if it was him cracking, fracturing into pieces.

 

“It could be. Your home.” A voice from the doorway said. And this _really_ was the last person he wanted to see or hear. Justin.

Jensen looked at him his eyes full of hope and encouragement, but Jared... he couldn't do this. He just couldn't. He shifted the bag in his hand a tried to step away but Jensen just stepped with him.

“Jared. Please?”

“I can't” the younger man whispered. “You don't know-”

“We know more than you think” Justin said sternly. “Jensen would you mind if I talk to my brother alone for a few minutes?”

Jared didn't hear Jensen's response and barely felt the reassuring squeeze to his arm before Jensen stepped away leaving them alone. All he could hear was that one phrase crashing around inside his head smashing things and making it hard to breathe _My brother_. Oh god they knew! They had found out somehow who he was and why he was here and now Jared was caught in a lie he never meant to tell. He was totally completely busted. He'd lied and been caught and disappointed people and now they were going to hate him when he was gone. Instead of wondering where he'd gone to, they were just going to be glad he was gone and-“Jesus Jared sit down!” Justin said grabbing onto his arm and forcing him back onto a bench.

Jared felt dizzy and let himself be pushed. He dropped his bag and just let himself fall. There was no point in trying to get away. Not now. All he could do was take what he had coming and leave when the yelling was over. He closed his eyes trying futilely to keep in the tears.

“Breathe Jared, Christ! It's okay! Just take a breath, okay? If you pass-out and hit your head Jensen is going to kick my ass!” Jared felt a hand on his neck gently pushing his head down. “Come on kid just take a breath. You're alright, everything is okay, you got nothing to worry about.” Justin voice was gentle and encouraging and it made no sense to Jared why he wasn't yelling but he did what Justin said until the spots in front of his eyes started to recede.

“I'm okay” he whispered pulling himself up and trying to move away.

It wasn't going to happen though because Justin had a grip on his arm and he wasn't letting go. Jared felt a little flare of panic in his gut.

“Jared will you just stop for a minute? Please? There is nothing to be worried about here.” Justin said ducking his head down trying to catch Jared's eye.

“No one here is pissed at you. Just slow down for a minute and listen. Okay?”

He didn't have much choice so he nodded and waited for whatever was about to land on him. It couldn't be good, there was no way. Not after what he did. He just looked at the floor and waited.

“I knew from pretty much as soon as you got here who you were.” Justin said waiting a moment as if he expected Jared to say something. When Jared stayed quiet he went on. “I knew about you a long time ago. I was14 when your mother came here. I was 16 when Daddy died and 17 she left. So I remember her and everything that happened. I remembered _you_ I always wondered what happened to the two of you, but she just... disappeared. I was waiting for you to come back.” He waited then and Jared figured it was his turn to say something.

“I don't understand that. I don't understand why you're not mad! And I don't even know what happened. I don't know anything, I don't remember anything.” All the confusion and fear and hurt he felt came bubbling up “ I don't remember her.” he whispered at last, taking a deep breath trying to push it all back down before everything came flying out and swallowed him.

Justin looked at him for a moment and then reached to his back pocket and took out his wallet. He dug into it, pulled something out and handed it to Jared. It was a photograph of a pretty dark haired girl holding a baby. He looked at the photo then at Justin waiting for an explanation trying not to hope.

“That's your mama.” Justin told him “Your mama and you”

Jared's eyes dropped immediately to the photograph and he just stared at it and tried not to clutch at it so hard it wrinkled. His Mama. God she was so pretty! And so young. She couldn't have been much older in the picture than he was now. She was sitting on the big rock over by the creek where Jensen had kissed him. She was sitting there holding _him_. It was the first time Jared had seen a picture of himself as a baby and the first glimpse of his mother’s face in 14 years and suddenly Jared couldn't hold anything back any more. He didn't even try, just looked at the picture and let tears slip quietly down his cheeks. He didn't even flinch when Justin's hand landed on his back and started to rub slow circles.

“It's okay Jared.” Justin said quietly in to his ear “You don't have to leave. God- we don't _want_ you to. I can tell you everything. I have a few pictures you could have just please don't leave.” Justin gripped his arm a little tighter “You’re my little brother. I just got you back I don't want to lose you again.”

Jared couldn't hold back the half cry but that was okay too. Justin just looped his arm around the younger man's shoulder and pulled him in for a hug.

Jared didn't know how much time had passed before he heard Jensen's voice “Is it my turn yet?” Jared looked up from where he was hunched into Justin- God _his brother_ \- to see Jensen smiling at them from the doorway. Jared felt something in his chest leap and flutter. He was just so- gorgeous- stupid word to use for a guy maybe, but true anyway. Jared didn't even try to beat down the hope, just smiled weakly at him and waited to see what was going to happen.

“I reckon” Justin said. He smiled at Jared and stood saying “Come up to the house when y'all are done.” He paused at the door to look back and watched Jensen take his place beside Jared.

 

Jensen just sat there and when Jared couldn't stand it anymore “I'm sorry!” he said hoping Jensen would hear him and know just how sorry he was.

“For what?” Jensen asked and he sounded genuinely confused.

Jared swallowed and looked at the floor. “For lying, especially to you. I just- I didn't know you. I didn't know how great you are or how you would make me feel so I just kept it to myself. I wasn't trying to do anything. I didn't have a plan. I just wanted- I wanted to see them.” he had to swallow again gulp down the tears filling his throat. “Please don't hate me.” he whispered.

Jensen leaned in close putting an arm around Jared's shoulder and pulled him in “ Jared! I can't think of a thing you would do that would make me hate you. It ain't a crime to get in over your head and not know what to do.”

Jared took a shuddery breath and let himself reach for what Jensen was offering. After a while they went up to the house.

 

  


Epilogue

 

  
The day Jared turned nineteen he got his drivers license and drove his beat old truck back to the ranch to have dinner with his brothers and his boyfriend.


End file.
